just plain frustrated....

so heres the scoop...I had my weigh in on monday....and I am down 1.8lbs. as good as that is i was certainly hoping for a bigger number. I feel by eating and doing some fitness that I am missing out on something by not drinking pop and eating chocolate and basically anything i want...thats insane. seriously. grr...

but i'm trying to not let it effect my eating habits....trying.

school is crazy. I am ready for this semister to be over...thats for sure!

work is crazy too...but i'm very appreciative that i LOVE everyone i work with...that is a HUGE blessing.

so yea i will keep on trucking on in the weight loss dept...and we will see what changes this week...and hopefully i will be down at least 2-5 lbs.

Blessings,

Jenny

today the latte was worth it.

so...i'm back into the charting calories thing...but trying not to be so obsessive about the numbers on the scale...at least weighing myself less. before it got a little rediculous. I have to say for me i am an all or nothing type of person. I either totally aviod the scale and eat like crap, or totally follow a complete healthy diet and weigh myself everyday ...maybe twice a day. This time around i am going to involve measurements....because I now realize that the number on the scale may not always change...and I am going to need something else to keep me going. I feel better, much better actually. I hate relying on things...i've come to realize this...it is like an act of God for me to ask for help. really. but i'm getting better about that too. The thing that i'm bringing into this that I have never brought with me is God, I am very aware that I can NOT do this on my own. so any prayer you can offer up is much appreciated. :)
i am also involving any ideas anyone has to offer...we gotta help eachother out right?? right!.
i am also taking pictures...i'm a very visual person. so each week I can see how my body is changing on the outside as well as the inside. this is not just a outward issue...its physical, emotional, spirtual...all of it.

today i opted out of breakfast...went for coffee instead. it was a carmel latte and totally worth missing out on breakfast. i have been freakin tired lately and stressed out and i am trying to not have that effect my diet. "trying" being the key word. this is a day by day challenge...and who ever reads this....i hope it serves as a guide. or an example that yea we may fall...but its not about falling its about getting back up.

this is also week 3 without pop. like any addiction there comes times where i want it really bad...but like i said i'm all or nothing...and right now it needs to be nothing, because i will binge on it.

so thats enough for now...i will try to keep up on this.

i want to end with....whats your struggle?? what are you battling today?? and how can i be praying for you??

with love,

Jenny

down down down...

woke up this morning wayy too early but whatever...its fine.
new wt: 241.6 beg wt: 251.0 wt loss to date: 9.4lbs...WOOT!!!
new BMI:44.07% Beg: BMI: 45.09% % of body fat loss: 1.02%

Headed out to the gym. then later today trying out for "Hospital Idol" and going to meet jen & bj's puppies for when i pet sit this weekend. :)
will update workout progess @ the end of the day with calorie count.

I was thinking if all goes well with this diet and exercise blog thing ...maybe i'll turn it into a book. dealing with the strugges/upsides/and emotional impact of trying to morph from the inside out. God willing that is :)

so I was excited to get weighed today..which is weird...but lets face it folks i never said i was normal. because of the drastic change in eating and exercise i am happy to report that i am down 6.8 lbs...woot! if the rest of it comes off quickly like that i will be SUPER excited.
went and worked out today for the 2nd day in a row. I honestly need to go at least 5 days a week, but i never make it more than three...going to try to change that. the only way i can seem to make it work is to go before work...but that would mean that i would have to get up @ 4:30am to get to the gym get an hour in and then get ready for work there. i just need to follow the nike anthem and "just do it" easier said than done.
I am also going to try to limit myself to 1200 calories or less. so far i'm @ 700 for today and i just have dinner left.
@ the gym i did 30 min and 1.6 miles on the treadmill. i would like to get it where i can run most of the time on the treadmill but thats going to take some training and work
then i did 10 min on the bike = 1.5 miles
and i finished on the elliptical for only 5 min...my endurance is way down on that...and i need to be on that machine the most bc its the best workout.

even though my abs hurt i went through the pain and did 50 crunches/15 squats with a 5lb medicine ball and some free weights. interesting fact about free-weights...i work with some fitness guru's and did you know that you can burn more calories and fat doing free weights than the machines.
also something else to check out is find out what your BMR and BMI is. your BMR is going to tell you naturally how many calories you burn a day just being you. so that way to meet the goals you want you just have to have a higher calorie deficit. because 3,000 calories burned = -1lb...which by the way is alot of work...and SUCKS! haha :)
oh yea another good website is http://www.sparkpeople.com/ amazing calorie counter and can tell you how many calories you burned by plugging in your exercises. and it had some yummy recipes too.

so today my weight is : 244.2
calories burned @ the gym: 437
water consumed: so far 7.5 glasses
BMR: 1,899.7
BMI: 44.62% um hello thats horrible. i'm basically 50% fat. jeeze i will be ready for that to go WAYY down.
and due to the 6.8lb weight loss i have lost 0.28% body fat.

Thanks for tuning in...until next time
~Jenny

Day One

Hey there...So today marks day one of jumping back on this weight loss wagon. It's been a bumpy ride that last few months...I basically just took some time off. I am coming back to this in a different way. I've decided to keep updated on a blog in a way to keep myself accountable. its makes it a little harder to slip when you have to type out your failures. I will also keep the actual numbers of my weight on here...now thats basically a cardinal rule for women...i'm going to share my actual weight...AHHH. okay calm down folks. lol.
I started this journey originally 8 mo or so ago. My official beginning weight was 275lbs at a short 5'2''
how i got to that i can't tell you. the weight kept slowly but surely catching up to me. I started "packing" on the pounds when I turned 15 or so. and slowly but surely more and more. I had the reversed self image problems for the longest time I had family members telling me to lose weight...but i didn't think i needed to. I thought i was fine the way i was. truth is weight becomes a very easy thing to hide behind. it's also something that causes alot of self harm. you get judged everywhere for it...i mean as far as i know everyone has had an opinion on my weight and what i need to do about it. which only makes you want to run as if you are on fire...lol. its makes you want to rebel.
Fact is i'm 23 years old and i'm tired. I am tired of shopping in the "plus" sizes. I am tired of food making me happy. I'm SO tired of not having options due to my size and thinking WAY to much about how i am percieved...simply i am just too tired. plus i'm healthy now...but lets fast forward 10 years...i don't know that i will be that lucky. and i do have age on my side.
I used to do dance, i love dance and i want to get back to it so much. and i think once i get this accomplished i can. I also want to run in a 5k or whatever. go rock climbling...all kinds of things that i feel my weight hinders.

So anywho...i hope this blog serves you as well as it does me. my name is jenny by the way. :)

here are the cold hard crappy facts :
Height: 5 ft 2 (which means i have to lose alot more b/c im vertically challenged...HAHA)

Starting Weight: ... 251 (i loathe that number...but good news its going to go down.)

measurements...i will update that sometime this week...i don't have the tape with me.

i have drank SO much water today...and i am flippin hungry but its after 8 and i am NOT adding on anymore calories to today...oh yea i got a new scale too...kinda excited.

goodnight friends

Jenny